Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Best Places To Get Blow in NYC

In "Zagat" (i.e. unoriginal) style, here is a list of some of the best places to get Blow in NYC:

Trey Markson's Apartment, 5th St. btwn 1st and 2nd Avenues: Trey is known more for "quantity" than "quality," and though he stash is "never dry," you eventually will be for having "snorted the whole bag in 5 minutes just to get high." Make sure you "bring cash," and whatever you do, "don't wear tie-die," because "Trey hates tie die," himself being a recovering hippie.

3rd Toilet Stall, Men's Bathroom, the Roxy: If you are "gay" "curious," or just a regular "cokehead who likes blowjobs," this is a dependable place to get "an overpriced bag of blow cut with detergent" and a "blowjob" all in one. Be ready to pay "out the ass," especially "past midnight on Wednesdays when Ms. Tricia the Kenyan transvestite is 'working the register.'"

Jon Sampson's Bedroom, 21st and 1st: Sampson's bedroom, a "hidden gem" of drug havens located in a small basement apartment in Peter Cooper Village is "little known" and "off the beaten path," but "well worth the trip" for "plentiful helpings" of "excellent quality blow (for NYC." If you can put up with Sampson's "incessant, incoherent ramblings" concerning such topics as "the ongoing war in Vietnam" and "why Jane Fonda ruined America," and don't feel awkward frequently the home of a "blown out Vietnam vet who lives with his cranky Irish mother," you "won't be able to feel your tongue until 12 hours after you run out of stuff," you'll be "so high."

Plantation of "Papi" Julio Rodriguez, 100 miles south of Sao Paulo, Columbia: "Not technically in NYC," "Papi Rodriguez's" plantation in Columbia is the "birthplace" of 15% of all coke exported into the United States. If you "sneak past the obese, cranked out" guards at the East gate in the middle of the night and don't "get shot by the snipers in the guard towers" or "attacked by the pit bulls freely roming the premises," with some ingenuity you may find the "secret underground bunker" which houses the world's "3rd largest coke processing plant." Once inside, you will be a "junkie in a cocaine store," free to snort coke so pure and fresh that it will "make you're brain fly out of your head after your first bump," and possibly "cause heart failure and death." "Definitely worth the risk" for "the best shit this side of Robert Downey Jr.'s July 4th barbeques."

Jimmy's "Crack Den," 2nd floor of an abandoned tenement building, Kenmare St.: "Open" from 2:00 am till "whenever," this "Chinatown/Little Italy/Soho" "crack den" caters only to the "most serious of junkies." You'd better "know the secret knock and code" to get into the place unless "the meth-heads accidentally left the front door open again," and don't be surprised/upset if the man behind the window "gives you a bag of crack instead of a gram of coke," because, after all, it "is a crack den."

Jennifer Saperstein's parent's apartment, Park Ave. btwn 74th and 75th Streets: This " JAC" (jewish american cokewhore), who "doubles as a high school student at Dalton" first arrived on the coke-scene after an incident at her old boarding school involving "a custodian and a shetland pony." After "getting kicked out" of the prep school, her parents "dragged her back to the city," where she quickly "got in with a gang of drug dealing Dominican pimps" by "sucking dick for rock." Jen's "product is decent," and her "prices are firm," but "make sure you call ahead first" to make sure she is home, and not " in social studies class."

NYPD Evidence Locker, 6th Precinct, 1oth St. and Hudson St.: If you can "get past the bevvy of armed cops" who "work in the building," can sneak down to "room B-4 right next to the men's locker room," and "have a key to the evidence locker," you may just come across a "large stash of sticky sweet coke" that was "recently confiscated from the author of this blog." Assuming that the "pigs" haven't "snorted it all themselves," feel free to "lift the bag and throw a huge coke party," but please wait "3 to 6 months" so that the "author of this blog" is "out in time to accept your open invite to suck down shoelaces of his coke that you stole back from the man."

Please feel free to make suggestions as to other great "coke spots," as I plan to run this segment on a monthly basis while I have access to a computer. Please also don't tell my girlfriend, cause I finally convinced her that I'm officially "off the sauce."

18 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

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Heywood Jablowme

2:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude! Please fix all your mispelled Columbia's to COLOMBIA. C'mon, we grow the product, let us get the proper credit.

Thanks.

--a Colombian girl who is NOT a cokewhore. A Gawker item brought me to your site.

3:38 PM  
Anonymous rocco said...

Almost funny.....but you missed so many places....lame

6:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Rocco Forgioine wouldn't know quality blow if it sucked his coked-up dick.

Go ahead, pussyboy. Eat some more and snuggle up to your comic book hussy's mangina.

8:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

And St. Felix 3C when R. Baca's in town!

8:28 AM  
Blogger fairest said...

you forgot every irish housemaid over 35 on 1st avenue between 61st and 92nd.

11:52 AM  
Blogger petecosta said...

Whats better that a "filthy lopez" or a "Cambodian Creamsicle" to go with that eight ball.
Learn more:
http://www.sexterms.blogspot.com

11:53 AM  
Blogger Holly said...

Hilariously written as long as I don't take this blog seriously. If this is honestly the blog of a cocaine addict, it's tragic. I am amazed and horrified at how you can make light of cocaine.

2:42 PM  
Blogger markoos said...

good work mate. maybe a "few" too many inverted commas though.

5:10 PM  
Blogger carriebradshawsbastardchild said...

thats not fair. i went to dalton. where the hell was little jenny sap when i needed her? i guess i mustve missed a stall.

9:30 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

some related hijinks at socialblow.blog.com, an almost genius site from back in the day

3:18 PM  
Blogger macattack said...

I, for one, love it. Then again, I think, technically, i'm a terrible person

7:52 PM  
Anonymous heroingrl said...

are these blow spots real or just for shits and giggles?

8:36 PM  
Anonymous Sev said...

I got some pretty quality shit that had me wired for a good several hours after only a line and a half. I got it off one of 50 Cents sketchy boys. Theyre usually at Stereo after 1 AM. I think his name was Trey or some shit like that. It wasnt bad considering black guys usually dont know jackshit about coke.

4:18 PM  
Anonymous Raul said...

Hello All,

I am seriously trying to find a reliable yip yap man...well reliable as a any dealer can be that is. Anyone have any serious tips let me know...

Email me at:
entertainmentagent2@gmail.com

12:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Way to bait out everyones operation. You must be the worst customer ever apart from a full on snitch. Enjoy jail ass muncher.

10:44 AM  
Blogger Luca said...

The stuff at the Roxy is a joke. Don't buy without trying it first. The best place is still outside the Buddha Bar or in the Cielo. But that obviously depends on the night. Needless to say I had some great stuff from out there and find it to be much safer than anywhere else in the city, save the village where you but baby powder for 50 bucks. The market is sketchy indeed

10:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thought you might like this cocaine T-shirt:

http://tshirtbonus.com/collections/all/products/rehab

:)

12:31 AM  

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