Tuesday, January 17, 2006

A Message To The lovers and Haters

I don't normally like to respond to inquiries concerning the intimate details of my personal life (such as my identity, my background, my job, etc.). For obvious reasons, I prefer to remain anonymous for as long as I continue to post on this site (or until I somehow parlay this into some sort of paying gig). In the last few days, however, I've received an influx of emails either (a) asking me if I'm worried that law enforcement will come after me because of the content of this blog, or (b) threatening to turn me in to the authorities if I continue to post as I do on this site. To all of you people, here's what I have to say in response:

"Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances."

You recognize that bit of verbiage, don't you? That's right, it's the text of the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States. You probably had to memorize it in the 4th grade, just like I did. And it's the reason why I'm not worried about the cops knocking down my door anytime soon because of what I write on this site. In this country, we have something called "freedom of speech," which allows me to say and write what I want. Since I'm not putting anybody in jeopardy with my words here, I have no doubt that any attempt to "throw the book at me" because of the content of this site would not only fail miserably as completely baseless, but also, as I have been told by people in the know, would provide me with excellent, claims for improper arrest and prosecution, from which I could reap buckets of money in damages.

So to those of you worried that I'll "get caught," I appreciate your concern, but don't. There's nothing illegal about anything I've ever written on this website. And to those of you haters out there, threatening to turn me in if I don't stop writing about my life the way I do here, I've got news for you--even if law enforcement authorities actually gave a shit about a two-bit drug abusing punk writing a blog about his pointless, inane antics--which they don't, because they have better things to do, like investigate actual criminals--they still wouldn't be able to come after me over the content of this site.

So there. Back with something funny in a bit.


Anonymous Charlie the Doorman said...

come on preacher, come on!

7:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your are absolutely correct; there is nothing criminal about the content of this blog. There is nothing, however, to stop law enforcement from investigating you for the criminal conduct that is refered to in your blog and using this blog as evidence against you. For example, suppose you were a serial killer and used your blog to brag about your murders. I would bet the farm that the FBI would be at your door with a search warrant asking you questions. You shoudl try doing this as an experiment.

While your casual drug use probably won't raise to many law enforcement eyebrows (probably becuase they have bigger fish to fry), in theory you could end up as a state's witness with a wire up your ass in some sort of sting operation as part of a plea bargain. Of course, your Alibi is that what you write about is merely a gross exageration and that "Edgar" is really a made up character. Right? Wink wink.

-Special Agent Johnny Utah

9:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am watching you!!! I am looking into your office right now.

9:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Just dont ever view it at work. Somehow the law firm I worked for fouund out about my blog where I talk about weed, gambling etc and fired my ass. I never posted at work and I no idea how they found out.

4:27 PM  

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