Friday, January 27, 2006

I'm Still Here

I know that when I haven't posted for a few days, some of you worry that I might be passed out in a dumpster somewhere along the FDR with a coke bottle shoved up my ass--or even worse, dead (e.g. no longer alive). Not to worry, I'm still very much kicking right now, even if my heart-rate has been off-the-charts for the last 5 days. Besides, who's ever actually known anyone who died from cocaine? I mean, you hear about people od'ing on coke and dying all the time, but you don't actually know any of them, right? I've been around the sauce, and people who abuse it, for years upon years, and not once have I seen a single person die from a cocaine overdose. Heroin, sure. Speedballs, of course. But straight up coke--I've never seen it. Now, I know that flat-out saying that one can't die from a coke overdose is probably one of the most ignorant, uneducated things I've ever suggested--aside from the time I convinced a hooker to enjoy a smoke on the invisible, makeshift balcony right outside my bedroom window. That said, I've never seen it happen--at least not to anyone I know. So in my book, it can't happen. Of course, the jacket of my book is covered in coke residue and half the pages are torn out, but it's still a book, and it still is mine.

Where was I? Oh yeah--even if it were possible that one could die from a coke overdose, and I in fact did die in such a manner (or any other manner, for that matter)--and thus was no longer to post on this site anymore, because I would no longer have use of my capacities, not to mention my hands--don't fret. I have a system in place to let you all know what's happened, so that you no longer have to worry about me, but more importantly, so that your posthumous accolades can, in death, turn me into a cult hero--to the extent I am not one already.

There's no question I'm destined to die young. I've always known that. And at the speed I'm going, it probably won't be too long now before it happens. But when it does, fear not--you'll be the third to know.

10 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

In the pantheon of cult heroes, edgar winters falls somewhere between Hunter S. Thompson and Jared from Subway. Bravo!

11:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

thats really dark, yo.

11:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Carry on, You are correct. No one dies from Coke overdoses. It's cut with too much formula/laxative/vitamins anymore. You know the drill. -razor-rail

2:06 AM  
Anonymous razor-rail said...

Carry on, You are correct. No one dies from Coke overdoses. It's cut with too much formula/laxative/vitamins anymore. You know the drill. -razor-rail

2:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The fact that this site is so popular warms my heart. To those who are uninformed yet feel qualified to speak on the subject, let me be the one to tell you that a large percentage of gainfully employed members of society are represented by what is shared on this blog. If they're not operating on you or driving you to your destination, rest assured they're managing your money or defending you in court.

Rock on, Mr. Winter, and be careful.

7:30 PM  
Blogger miamiatty said...

funny site, but to anyone who is seriously 'worried' about you when you don't post for a few days...i have two words: James Frey.
You're absolutely right in that you are not going to die from coke...small fry Manhattan users do not generally o.d.; seriously addicted crackheads do. . . you are an interesting part of the emerging drug addict/tough guy 'persona' adopted by writers in an effort to capture audience attention. I await your book deal and subsequent rehab story. Just take a tip from Mr. Frey and actually label it what it is, fiction.

11:55 AM  
Anonymous michael said...

i say live fast, die young and leave a good looking blog.

2:17 PM  
Blogger stinkstank said...

Yeah, I agree with Micheal. But wuttup y'all? Is anyone gonna give me any pointers on how to find a "guy"? Do you just have to know people? Cuz I know people, but I guess they're the wrong ones. I can't find anybody. I'm not asking for the number of a specific guy, but there must be a way to tell or approach that I'm missing....

7:28 AM  
Anonymous Tommy Foreskin said...

Hookers are a start. Anyone selling drugs on the street is another place. If they got something small they'll have access to something big.

That is all.

Tommy

7:10 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Effin nobody,

just look for the person with a chronic sinus infection.

2:09 AM  

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