Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Vile or Baggie: The Best Way to "Pull Your Dinner From Your Pocket"

It's 11:00 on a Friday night. You're about to head out the door to meet some friends for a night of conversation, carousing, and inevitably, cocaine. You've taken a shower, combed your hair, even put on a clean pair of underwear. And now, it's time to face the most pressing question you'll deal with for the rest of the night--how will you transport your blow around with you for the evening.

It's an existential dilemna that's boggled philosphers and junkies since the dawn of time--or at least since the invention of polythene back in 1933 . The question is, of course, "do I tranport my blow in a glasine baggie, or in a glass vile." As an avid cocaine user and amateur thinker who has grappled with this issue for many years now, the author of this essay is in a unique position to explore the pro's and con's of the use of each implement, to help you in your quest to decide for yourself.

The "Pro's and Cons" of the "Baggie"

Unless you are a preferred customer, more often than not, your drug dealer, or "guy" as we like to call them at Cocaine Corner, will give you your drugs in small plastic baggies, or "dime bags" as my friend Jack used to call them back in high school. What these bags are actually manufactured for, I haven't a clue. Seems to me that they only come in handy for the transport of illegal narcotics, or on occasion, for the transport of small amounts of garbanzo beans (chick peas, to the uninitiated). Be that as it may, the glasine baggie comes in handy in many circumstances in which you would be looking to transport your white powder:

1. If you are going to an event with high security: If you are going out to a crowded club or bar where there's a good chance that you'll be frisked at the door, the glasine baggie might be your best bet. You can always hide the baggie in a small pocket in your pants, in your wallet or purse, in a pack of smokes, or even in a shoe, if you're especially paranoid. The glasine baggie is your only choice for transport if you are attending a concert or a sporting event--although I don't recommend transporting drugs to the latter, as you'll end up making countless trips to the restroom and will end up missing most of the game. Take my word for it, save the blow for after the game, when you're either ecstatic that your team won, or dejected that your team lost, and are looking to drown your sorrow. I could tell you about my experience after the Giants game last Sunday--which was somewhat ironic, because I'm not even a Giants fan--but that's another story for another time.

2. If you are planning on doing "key bumps": Personally, I'm not a fan of "key bumps." Too much blow inevitably gets stuck on the key, half the bump ends up blowing into the wind when you try to inhale, and it is hardly a clandestine method of use. That said, if you are into the key bump, there's no choice but to use a baggie--keys just don't fit into viles. And in some circumstances, where you don't want to bring an implement (such as a bullet) out with you, key bumps are the best way to go, since you'll already have your keys on you. If you're a key bump person, go with the baggie. Just be careful and use a gentle hand, so you make sure you don't cut into the plastic with the tip of the key, causing the blow to spill out everywhere. There's nothing that will make you feel more pathetic than attempting to snort blow off of the ground, or even worse, off a carpet, or our of the pocket that the bag spilled out into. Believe me, I know, and I've done blow off of some pretty strange surfaces (vaginas, for example--you can't tell me that those things are not strange surfaces).

3. If you are a complete and total amateur: If you are new to the world of blow/blow transport, don't use a vial. You just aren't ready for the responsibility. Amateurs doing blow out at night will often prove their lack of coke accumen and attempt to "make lines" in public bathroom (the most amateur of moves), by tapping the vile out onto the back of a toilet. This not only will always result in overuse of the stuff, but it also can damage the vile to the point at which it cracks. And once that happens, the vile is as good as done. Believe me, you don't want to be snorting glass remnants. You're otalarygologist will never let you hear the end of it. So if you haven't transported blow before and insist on starting now--which in itself is a dubious proposition--use a baggie. Maybe someday, if you're good enough, you can graduate to using a vile. We'll see.

The "Pro's and Cons" of the Vile

Personally, I'm a "vile" man. I don't like using baggies. I find that they are very hard to open, and once opened, it's equally as hard to measure out a nice bump when you are in public. Here are some pro's of viles:

1. If you are using a bullet: If you own a bullet, taking a vile out with you is a no-brainer. Lately, I've been using a vile because I own a bullet--and the vile fits perfectly in the bullet, allowing for clandestine bumps in even the most crowded of places. I highly recommend purchase of a bullet for people who have graduated beyond mere "recreational" use, and wish to avoid the hastle of attempting to steal away to bathroom stalls or other hidden places when in public and doing blow. With a bullet, all you have to do is lean down, pretend you are tying your shoes, and blow away. No one will be the wiser, and you'll save yourself the hassle of shuffling back and forth to the toilet.

Of coures, purchasing a bullet is tantamount to admitting that you are a cokehead, so be prepared for the stigma that comes with being a bullet owner. But if you are indeed a true cokehead, this shouldn't be of any concern to you anymore, as you're way past that point.

2. If you are doing "Parliament Bumps": Before I owned a bullet, I would do "Parliament bumps"--bumps out of the recess filter of a Parliament cigarette, the end of which also fits perfectly into the opening of a vile. Rumor has it that Parliament created the recess filter for cokehead stock brokers in the 1980's, but I'm fairly certain I might've actually just made that up. Admittedly, it is just as easy--and perhaps even easier--to do a "P bump" from a baggie, but I happen to like the vile, and happen to smoke Parliament cigarettes. So that's that.

Of course, there are some cons to use of the vile as well. If you are going to a place where you'll be patted down, don't bring a vile--it is much easier to detect a vile on one's person than a baggie. Also, if you're gonna be out with friends with no blow of their own who will keep asking for "smells" all night, don't bring out a vile. It's too easy to pour too much out of a vile, and once you do that, the blow ain't goin back in. Commentators unanimously agree that the baggie is better than the vile in terms of coke management.

And finally, if you are a late night fiend and plan to do some "scraping," it is much easier to open up a plastic baggie and scrape the remnants than it is to scrape a vile. Even if you bend a paper clip or use the end of some other pointed implement, there's always those hard to reach places in the vile that the blow will stick to, and at 5 in the morning, nothing is more frustrating that seeing a large clump of the white stuff in a vile but not being able to get to it because your paper clip won't bend the right way. And don't be like a friend of mine, who once tried to solve this problem by filling up his viles with water and drinking the water. Don't get me wrong, I'm a fiend, but let me tell you, even I was disturbed by his determination to get high on that night.

The Choice is Yours

While there are certainly pros and cons to the use of each generally, ultimately, the choice of whether to go with a baggie or a vile, or perhaps, to go with some different paraphanalia the author is as yet unaware of, is entirely up to you, and will usually be based upon circumstantial considerations. If you are going to catch a flight, or heading to a concert or sporting event, for example, chances are you will opt for the baggie--as a cumbersome vile is more easily exploited by security personnel. If you're heading out to a club filled with underage asians kids with glo-sticks around their necks and pacifiers in their mouths, security is likely not as much of a concern, and if you own a bullet or plan to use the recess filter of a Parliament cigarette to do bumps, you'll probably want to go with the vile. But either way, remember, once you make a choice, you're likely stuck with it for the rest of the evening. So make your decision wisely, because sometimes, the wrong "implement decision" can spell an evening of disaster.

Beyond these considerations, however, recognize that in no way, shape, or form do I advocate the use of any illegal substances or paraphenalia, or the breaking of the law in any other ways (my lawyer friend told me I have to say that. Sorry). So don't forget what Nancy Reagan preached back in the 1980's, and what my father once told me when I was 16 years old--don't do drugs.

18 Comments:

Blogger Anastasia said...

"vial"

9:51 PM  
Blogger Xulujerk said...

probably the most captivating blog i've ever read.

9:59 PM  
Blogger Mirtha Jung said...

Nothing is worse than being a girl, trapped in a stall, having long nails, trying to get one of those stupid baggies open while the herd of irate bitches in the ladies room are putting the pressure on. They're all standing around waiting, and your baggie is ripped and everyone is waiting for pee-pee noises! It sucks ass. Here is my solution: go to a ghetto Mac Cosmetics counter and buy a Studio Fix compact. It has a secret compartment! Then, use the latest issue of US Magazine to make a seal. Toss the bindle in the stash area of the compact.. Done, done and done.

11:37 PM  
Anonymous Razor-Rail said...

still up?

1:07 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dude i've put a baggie in the smallest pocket of my skirt once, and the people at the club door frisked me and found it anyway! to all the girls reading this, anyway, your bra is always the best hiding spot.

10:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

the baggies are really for jewelry..hence jewelery bags. And being a girl I find that my little hair clips are perfect to clip the baggie with, as well as bump off of!

12:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

If he was such an expert, he'd know it's VIAL not VILE

5:32 PM  
Blogger Mirtha Jung said...

Are the words "vial" and "vile" homophones or homonyms?

12:32 AM  
Blogger the tax payer said...

you are awesome edgar. if only they knew what i spent my money on....

by the by: i have been able to produce regular and elephant size bumps off the back of that toilet.

4:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

if you dont post for a few days, how are we to know if you're still alive????

10:02 AM  
Anonymous Dave said...

good stuff....

5:00 PM  
Anonymous Ted Velvet, Cocaine Superstar said...

Excellent post. You really dropped some science with that Parliment thing. But you did misspell vial like fourteen times or so. Check out Strunk and White's "Elements of Style" before posting next time.

7:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Man have you been there. Damn, good read. Bullet man myself. Try a good dental pick and you will clean house.

1:52 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Where can you buy a bullet or vial online? Anyone know?

2:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Try this! The best thing I have found is those travel size pill containers you get in a convenience store. I use a travel size advil container. Clean it out, cut your stuff up and throw it in there. This way it is ready to go all the time. There is even enough room in there to keep a cut down straw or whatever. Totally self contained and you dont look weird pulling it out of your pocket and handing it to a friend in a social environment.

2:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I must have been strange.. When I got high I used tinfoil. Thats how it came from my dealer, so I kept it in the foil and would do keybumps while out and lines while home.

Have to say Im kind of glad that chapter of my life is LONG over heh but it was fun back in da day in NYC.

5:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When you keep it in your bra doesn't it go all gummy and clumpy from the heat? If it doesn't then how do you manage that!?!? I keep having the issue of it going clumpy when I keep it in my bra :( help!

8:25 AM  
Blogger Sam Mcbride said...

Best modern way to clean a VERY STICKY glass or acrylic whatever??

3:52 AM  

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