Friday, February 17, 2006

Session with a Celebrity?

If you could have a coke session with any celebrity, who would it be? Though there are plenty I can think of, my first choice would be none other than Lindsay Lohan.

Sure, Lohan is overexposed, annoying, and perhaps even somewhat insane. But man oh man does she just exude sex--something I realized a few years back when I went to go see "The Parent Trap."* Now, I'm not obsessed with Lohan by any stretch of the imagination. In fact, I don't even think she's all that hot, relatively speaking. Compared to other known coke fiends like Kate Moss, Lohan doesn't even hold a candle, viscerally speaking. But for me, there's just something about that Lindsay Lohan. Something that says: "I'm wild and crazy, lets blow lines and all night and I'll scream at the top of my lungs and gyrate on top of a table with my hands over my head, and maybe later, we can screw, or at least I'll let you touch my leg."

Maybe it's the fact that she's constantly behaving like a petulant child, or the fact that she consistenly makes assinine comments. Or perhaps its the weekly tales of her fabled nightlife and partying. I'm not sure, quite frankly. But now, every time I see her picture--every time--I juts think to myself, "man, do I want to 'sit around a coffee table' with that broad." Oh, and I also think about touching her boobies. Forgot about that for a second.

Love her or hate her, you have to admit, there's no question that it would be fun to "party" with Lindsay Lohan. At the very least, you know that at some point in the course of the night, she'd do something worthy of mention in the supermarket tabloids, much less in conversation with your idiot friends. There's no question that no matter how you slice it, it would be a night to remember.

So here it is, my open invitation to Lindsay Lohan. I'm not sure if she's ever read this blog. Actually, I'm quite sure that she never has, nor has she ever likely even heard of it. I wonder if she even knows what a blog is? But if she ever does, I want her to know that I'm willing, at a moment's notice, to drop whatever I'm doing at that very moment (which, chances are would be coke in any event), to meet her anywhere she chooses--whether it be a posh, exclusive hotspot, or simply on a couch in front of a tv--and treat her to a fun filled evening of edgar winter with Edgar Winter.

I'm also interested in finding out who your fantasy "celebrity session" would be with, and why. Readers are encouraged to post comments to the site explaining which celebrity you would like to "get involved" with, why, and what you hope would go down. Please note that comments in which people choose Robert Downey Jr. will immediately be deleted, because, come on people, you can do better than that. Margot Kidder, for example, would be a great, great choice. So go ahead, plug away. And if you speak to Lindsey in the meantime, tell her I'll be waiting by the phone for her call.


*Relax, this is a joke. I am not a pederast, nor did I go see The Parent Trap. Nope, I rented it.

56 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I go with Robert Downey Jr. No wait, on second thought I go with Margot Kidder, with Anne Heche in a close, close second.

8:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The Olsen twins or Abraham Lincoln. I can't decide.

9:40 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"lindsAy"

11:38 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

parent trap is cool!

1:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dee from Good Times

3:14 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lindsay does look like a fun girl to party with. My choice, however, would be Mischa Barton...

4:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Definatley, Nicole Richie...

4:33 PM  
Anonymous Razor-Rail said...

James Frey. Is that wrong?

7:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

male: Johnny Depp as the character he portrayed in BLOW

female: Angelina Jolie (pre-pregnancy)

Both at the same coffee table, please,and let the snow games begin!!

I hope he hasn't bumped all day and will now suffer from Coke Dick! Eh, I dont care-- Ive been geeked before and worked like hell to make a flacid dick cum!

11:15 PM  
Blogger winterstill said...

Marilyn Manson. After reading his coke-scapades in his autobiography, I can't help but want to blow a few lines and throw pseudo-satanist theory back and forth.

12:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

jim morrison. maty sound cheesey, but i'd love to see if he was full of shiite or really tryn ta break on thru.

2:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i meant "may sound cheesey" sorry. just took some melatonin to help my coked up ass to go to bed.

2:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dick Schaap

7:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

PARIS HILTON!!!

8:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Robbie Williams. He gave it up a few years back but I think I could manage it...

8:55 AM  
Anonymous Drug Treatment said...

Chemical dependency is a devastating disease that affects millions of individuals and families. Find the right drug rehabilitation program for yourself or a loved. It will be the first day of the rest of their or your life.

You can get more assistance at http://www.addictiontreatmentcenter.com .

9:52 AM  
Blogger AintNeverScared said...

all i know is that everytime i've quit and considered that day the first day of the rest of my life, it has been depressing and sickly enough to go to using ANY drug to make it stop. what happens then? is that the first day of the rest of my life? seems like the rest of my life will suck hardcore.

11:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My celebrity choice is LINDSAY and MARY-KATE. Don't know where they are in their own coke-scapades, but it would be hella fun! I'm not a lesbian, I just want to kick it with them and maybe go somewhere they can get me into, and dance crazily on our banquettes and blow the night away!

11:04 AM  
Blogger Mirtha Jung said...

Kate Moss!

1:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Angelina Jolie. We'll get high and horny and I can finally step over to the other side.

2:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Joe Sakic, Keira Knightley, Jon Stewart, Stewie, Ari Gold, Chad Johnson, Robert Hays, Thom Yorke, Will Ferrell, Jay McInerney and Alan Greenspan.

Tell me that ain't a party.

5:16 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Boy George, hahahaha Pee Wee Herman

5:26 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

George Bush LMAO

5:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pee Wee Herman but only as his charcter in the movve "Blow". How cool was that dood? or how about his fat friend?

Hew Edgar, how about a Bill Simmons-type breakdown of "Blow"? Not a whole lot of better coke movies out there. And please, meatheads and Harlems, don't start up on Scarface. That was not about coke, that was about power and influence and sex and money laundering and Anglo-Cuban politics.

5:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

colin farrell. not only is he fucking hot, but he's already such a dirty party guy. i think he would be a ton of fun for a night. the things i would love that man to do to me....ok, i've got myself all worked up...i need to go "order in".

8:09 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Robert Downey Jr....

2:00 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'd choose Jessica Biel... and if it was between boys either Johnny Depp or Matthew Perry

3:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Spike Jonze, Lenny Dykstra, Nick Hornby, Steve Jobs, Ad Rock, Malcolm Jamal Warner, Rachel Perry and Marc Summers.

6:33 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

no one has said the obvious best choice- George Bush. I bet he'd be fuckin hillarious. And since everyone seems to be noting this, I'm not gay but yes I probably would fuck him if he offered. i'd donkey punch him...

8:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about the messiest party girl ever? Tara Reid? That's my choice...

8:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No question about it -- George Will.

6:21 PM  
Anonymous teejay said...

Snuffleupagus from Sesame Street, no question

10:38 PM  
Blogger Starla the Redneck Pony said...

I agree with whoever said Jay McInerney, and i'd add Mick Jagger, Keith Richards & his 2 gorgeous daughters. then I'd ask the girls to leave and proceed to have a wild orgy with the 2 stones & bright lights.

12:24 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DJ Frankie Wilde and the Coke Badger.

3:03 PM  
Anonymous Drug Rehabilitation Program said...

Chemical dependency is a devastating disease that affects millions of individuals and families. Find the right alcohol treatment program for yourself or a loved. It will be the first day of the rest of their or your life.

You can get more assistance at http://www.druginterventions.net .

8:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would want to do some blow with quasi-Internet clebrity, Jason Mulgrew.

2:31 PM  
Anonymous AutoPilot said...

Christ. I'm at a fork in the road here... Either Bill Cosby, because he'd be so fucking opposed to it, resulting in either a crying ex-parent on my hands, or a black man wielding a club.

The option eluding to a better atmosphere of viciously abusing traintracks would be Jason Mews. The decision is purely based on the fact that by the end of a night, our blood would be bio-hazardous and neurotoxic.

11:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about the entire cast from "Boogie Nights"? At least Julie Anne Moore and Heather "Gram" anyway.

3:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

The guys from The Trailer Park Boys

10:07 AM  
Blogger heddylamare said...

Larry King, no question.
He's such an erudite, loquacious, self-righteous bastard when he's (presumably) sober. Can you imagine him sauced?
We’d have conversations about masturbation and US intervention in Iraq and the state of American economic development and the deteriorating quality of New York hot dogs (Yes, I mean the edible frankfurter, you dirty, dirty boy) with equal zeal.

I’m sauced now, at 9am and would love to him…OOOOOHHHH
I almost forgot.
Richard Quest.
You probably never heard of him, but if you are a CNN world junkie like I am (when I’m not busy being the other sort of junkie) you could easily see his appeal.
He’s immensely sexy and insightful and seemingly always sauced and/or drunk.
I think he would be a trip because he is so damned opinioned and we would do lines and drink 3 bottles of wine and he would tell me why Wally Simpson and Katie Couric are the same level of whore and then that big British tongue would go down on me for an hour and a half until I came at LEAST 3 times and then…

Ooops, sorry, got carried away.

Also, how about Kofi Anan? He seems sexy…I mean, er, fun while sauced.
Okay, so you’ve figured out that I use sauce as a way of getting men into bed.
Big whoop, wanna fight about it?

6:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

for some reason I can only enjoy coke if I am drinking beer too...weird not only do I have a drug problem but it's turning me into an alcoholic...the more I snort the more I drink

2:28 PM  
Blogger heddylamare said...

I can't believe I could have overlooked my namesake
Hedwig Eva Maria Kiesler, aka Hedy Lammare, was an Altmore springs born Jew, was a tireless antagonist of Hitler's regime, the inventor of spread spectrum technology (which made wireless communication possible), and the first woman to bare her breasts on film ("Ecstacy")


Hedy was gorgeous, inside and out.
She was a perfect example of someone in this world, but not of this world, able to express herself both intellectualy and sexually, something which few people can balance.


Her most famous quote was:
"any woman can be glamorous, you just have to stand there and look stupid"
She seriously understood that to accomodate the white malke chauvinist society you just have to play their stupid games.

I'm sure she had lots of stories to tell, and would be even more gorgeous with slightly dialated pupils.

Hedy Lamarre, (November 9, 1913–January 19, 2000), rest in peace.
XOXO
your sister from a different mister
Heddy

3:01 PM  
Blogger heddylamare said...

I can't believe I could have overlooked my namesake
Hedwig Eva Maria Kiesler, aka Hedy Lammare, was an Altmore springs born Jew, was a tireless antagonist of Hitler's regime, the inventor of spread spectrum technology (which made wireless communication possible), and the first woman to bare her breasts on film ("Ecstacy")


Hedy was gorgeous, inside and out.
She was a perfect example of someone in this world, but not of this world, able to express herself both intellectualy and sexually, something which few people can balance.


Her most famous quote was:
"any woman can be glamorous, you just have to stand there and look stupid"
She seriously understood that to accomodate the white malke chauvinist society you just have to play their stupid games.

I'm sure she had lots of stories to tell, and would be even more gorgeous with slightly dialated pupils.

Hedy Lamarre, (November 9, 1913–January 19, 2000), rest in peace.
XOXO
your sister from a different mister
Heddy

3:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sasha and Digweed. Watch the elta Heavy DVD and you'll know what i'm talking about. I bet Kimi Raikkonen knows how to throw down too.

4:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice one Heddy.

4:21 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OOOO.... I bet Tom Waits would talk until the sun comes up. What a night that would be. Fuck it, bring back Bradley Nowell and I'll pick up a ball or two.

4:23 AM  
Blogger dw070 said...

Bjork definitely that would just make my brain explode. then milla jovovich would be my 5th choice. 2nd, 3rd and 4th? Ill have to think about that. no i wont

6:18 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

No Rick James???????

9:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

clooney...definitely.

9:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm going to assume that your definition of "celebrity" is a loose one, so I'll go with the entire Thursday night cast from Scores West...

10:44 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Will Ferrel and Conan OBrien

2:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Kiefer Sutherland. Hands down.

3:35 AM  
Anonymous Snowman said...

oh man, if i could do snow with any celeb, i would have to say... everyone from three 6 mafia

8:28 PM  
Anonymous Spammy said...

To the knob who replied "Dee from 'Good Times'" :

Dee was on ' What's Happening! ', you effing cretin!

Good call though, that gurl had The Sass down like no other. :-)

Hmmm... Who would I do blow with? I dunno, I don't like coke, muhseff. ("Not that there's anything wrong with that!"--Jerry Seinfeld)

But if I were able with My Beloved Substance O' Choice, I could name a zillion celebs I'd like to share that with...
Hmmm... too many to list, especially while I'm trying to enjoy a few last hours with my last tiny biut of supply left... therefore, right now in these darkest of times, I guess I'll just nominate My Beloved Substance O' Choice itself! Dang... I hate when she leaves me!

6:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Don't forget the man that lit his hair on fire while smoking crack....Pryor would be a funny mutha to bump with.

1:55 AM  
Blogger green hornet said...

Raekwon the Chef. clearly.

11:25 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home


referer referrer referers referrers http_referer