The Second Biggest Coke Snot Ever

A few minutes ago, I took my pinky finger, stuck it deep into my left nostril, turned it, and picked out a snot the size of a bottlecap. I kid you not. I'm not quite sure if it was really a snot or actually a piece of sinus lining, because of the consistency of the damn thing, but it sure was big. If there's one thing that is true right now, it's my nose moves back and forth really really quickly. I wish there was a better, easier way to take cocaine. Anybody have any ideas?

Man oh Man . . .

. . . I used to think nothing of the large chunks of green snot looking product that I'd blow out of my nose the day after a solid coke-binge. But lately, having experienced subtle pain protruding from the walls of my sinuses, I've been taking a closer look at this stuff, and have noticed that it isn't snot at all, but rather, looks more like the lining of something--be it my sinuses, or my septum, I don't know. What I do know is this--whatever I've been doing to myself, i'm thinking it may not have been so healthy. Perhaps I should take a break from the sauce for a while?

Aw, fuck it, I've got a ball of some fine Bolivian sitting on my living room table, ready to be blown this weekend. So what if come next Monday, i'll be able to stick my entire pinky finger into my right nostril, through the wall of my septum, and into my left nostril? It's a great party trick. Anybody want to see??

Rod Stewart's Take On Today's Coke

ROD Stewart says he doesn't do cocaine anymore because it's just not as pure as it used to be. The rooster-coiffed crooner, 60, longs for the days when dealers didn't mix the drug to maximize profits. "I don't know why anyone would want to take coke now," Stewart tells contactmusic.com. "It was different in my day, because it was all so much purer. Now these dealers mix it with salt, washing powders, anything they can get their hands on. Kids just don't know what they're taking."